he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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