you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
