the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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