good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
