It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
