Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
