My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
