i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
