I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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