i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
