dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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