I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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