Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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