if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
