I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
