Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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