I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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