Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
