I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
