I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
