Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
