the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
