Your mouth is God's brothel.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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