ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
