Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
