i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
