ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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