So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
