it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
