I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
