I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
