I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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