Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
