You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
