So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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