Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
