Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
