My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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