When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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