it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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