I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
