it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
