Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
