But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
