I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
