I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
