i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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