Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
