4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
