ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
